14. November 2008 by admin.

Looking back, I’m not sure being a teenager nowadays is any more distressing than when I was their age. Sure, we all have problems when we’re teenagers, but some way or another we work our way through and out of those years into adulthood and responsibility.

I remember being sixteen and feeling like I was overwhelmed with problems. I remember my last fight with my girlfriend when we broke up. I remember my dad leaving after putting my poor mother, brothers, sisters, and myself through hell with drinking. I remember feeling awkward with acne and not knowing why I didn’t fit with the “IN CROWD,” but knowing I was definitely different. I remember dreading to go to school each day to face the humiliation of being called a nerd or a geek by my peers.

I found, at first, my comfort in marijuana and beer on weekends. Then, I realized weekends weren’t enough. I began getting high every day before school and at lunch to help me get through the day.

I remember being high and making plans to finish school, then going on to college to study law. They said I had the ability to become anything or anybody that I chose.

I remember the rest of high school as a blur. There were the junior and senior proms and the biggest day of all: graduation. I remember looking at my mother in the audience on a hot June day, beads of perspiration on her face mixed with tears. I was filled with pride that day as I watched my family in the audience wait in anticipation for the big moment to share with me.

Last night, I was reflecting on those tough times when I was sixteen and ready to quit school. I kept telling myself “hang in there, all you have are two years to graduation.” Then it’s off to college to get a law degree and start a new life.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep as I awaited morning and graduation day. I was up at the crack of dawn, washing my old; beat up Chevy because as soon as graduation was over, I was headed to the beach.

Now, looking at my family, I realize all the hard times and hard work was worth it. It’s a beautiful day for a graduation. The birds are chirping. Summer is in the air and cameras are clicking, as each student is announced and walks up on stage to applause and yells of friends and family.

As they announce my name, I feel a sense of pride I have never experienced as I watch my mother stand up and applaud through years of tears and futility. She was only 40 years old, but looked at that moment to be about 60 as the years had taken their toll. All the years of turmoil I had felt seemed to dissipate at that moment.

I remember walking towards the stage to receive my diploma, but something felt strange. I was moving in slow motion as everyone in the auditorium was applauding. I passed Grandma who was sobbing uncontrollably. My brothers and sisters lowered their eyes as I passed which bewildered me and touched my heart.

As I climbed the stairs to the stage to receive my diploma, I felt a cold breeze pass by me that chilled me to the bone. It was my mother who was being hugged now by the principal as he handed her my diploma. I left school and life one month previous to graduation.

As I reflect, I realize all that I have given up and all that I will never experience. All the football games and Christmas’. The changing of the seasons and the styles. The long walks and talks with girlfriends I’ll never know. The family barbecues and the relationships that will never happen.

Most of all, I will never know graduation and law school as a reality. I wonder about what kind of a husband and father I would have been. I long to hold my own child and comfort him in a way I never knew, to tell him everything will be alright when he’s a teenager struggling with life.

I have left a legacy of pain in lieu of prosperity to posterity. If I had just talked to someone, anyone, I may not be here dreaming of those things that could’ve been, would’ve been, or should’ve been.

I cannot come back through that door from despair to bliss. I can only hope my message helps one teenager ask for help from “one caring adult,” because my time has gone, but yours has just begun.

Remember, “Crisis is temporary, suicide is FOREVER!”

Michael F. Cronin, II, ACBSW
Program Director
Colorado Boys Ranch Foundation
P. O. Box 681
La Junta, CO 81050

Posted in Family, Youth, Parents | No Comments »

13. November 2008 by admin.

Several years ago during a period of grave global conflict international peacekeeper and acclaimed poet Rabbi Harold Kushner penned the tribute to cultural tolerance and understanding that appears on this page. These words resonate with all of us at CBR YouthConnect.Healing through treatment, caring,togetherness, and commitment is an integral part of who we are and what we do. The final passage of the poem is especially meaningful—from the high bluffs of our Colorado campus one can, indeed, see “the mountains that teach our hearts to reach upward to heaven.” Although we all are different and some of us, including many of our youth, have experienced physical abuse, emotional neglect and ongoing hurt, we can benefit by reaching out and helping our neighbors. Sometimes a “neighbor” is a person on the other side of the world with different cultural values and perspectives but with similar dreams, goals and feelings. Sometimes, a “neighbor” is a person or family in need within our own communities. This year, CBR has embarked on an outreach program to deliver our special brand of therapy to at-risk youth and their families in communities beyond our High Plains ranch. One such program, Pawsitive Connection, in which troubled youth help train abandoned dogs for placement with disabled individuals, is described in this issue of the newsletter. Pawsitive Connection is just the beginning in what we hope will be an ongoing effort to reach out to our
“neighbors” in need—troubled youth, their families, guardians and caregivers—in communities throughout the nation.

— Vaughn Zimmerman, CBR YouthConnect

National Services Director

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12. November 2008 by admin.

Dear all,
I just spoke with Vincent Royal (28 y/o) and also learn about Kelly Tedley. Vince lives in St. Louis and Kelly in New Mexico. They reconnected several years ago. Vince works for Sears (10 years now) and Kelly’s wife is some “big wig” for a government computer agency. Kelly has two children (Vince thought) and Vince has three children. Vince is currently not married though as a significant other and they have a 17 month old girl. His significant other is studying to be radiologist.

For those that remember Vincent and Kelly, they were in placement here about 15 years ago. They both have fond and wonderful memories of CBR. They both “found” their lives here and thinking back today wished they could have lived the remainder of their adolescent’s lives here at CBR. Their most cherished memories of CBR are of the people they came to know and eventually “love”. Vince said you do not always understand what that means until you return love (meaning the experiences with his own children). Both Vince and Kelly feel CBR changed, and in many ways, “saved” their individual lives. He calls back today just to say hi and to check in. He tells me he is happy and healthy and …well “ok”.

We laughed together and reminisced about the old days. He tells me – “I want you guys around for another 50 years.”

Martin Masar
Executive Director

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9. October 2008 by admin.

We have all heard the term “splitting or manipulation” when it comes to children and parents. Unfortunately, it is also utilized by adults to meet their needs in the workforce, personal relationships and/or divorce.

This specific article will focus on children and adolescents, who are in treatment programs. Hopefully it will allow parents, grandparents, etc to understand the dynamics of purpose and goal seeking in a manner that helps us all to recognize “splitting” when it occurs, and look at it through a different perspective, which is supportive of children, yet teaches life lessons.

First, lets take a look at what “splitting” really is, and how it can effect a child and possibly his transition to adulthood in a way that can hinder pro-social skills and relationships.

Developmentally, young children utilize “splitting” with parents no matter how devious it may seem to attempt to meet their needs, try out independent control techniques, or receive immediate gratification. With small children in this stage of development, it is a normal technique in their limited repertoire of coping mechanisms. We as parents usually can identify these transparent attempts by our kids to meet their needs. As a matter of fact, to my wife and me, these attempts were very obvious and normally brought laughter to both of us. Maybe this was because we worked with children in treatment for over 30 years, or just because the attempts were expected and apparent.

We found, even at the stage of 3 years to 6 years a great opportunity to teach our children how to meet their needs in a social manner that was acceptable or to understand clearly, both from mom and dad (together) that their wants were not going to be granted and why!

Children in treatment have previously learned, that if they can manipulate their environment or parents, this is a positive learned technique that gets them what they want, (home, materialistic items, etc).

In psychiatric residential treatment, we teach pro-social skills daily, along with those communication skills that will provide children with the techniques they will need to maneuver appropriately through different facets of society, and of life in general.

What parents that have children in treatment experience, is manipulation that is both heart wrenching and self destructive. Being a parent is a never ending emotional roller coaster that we are all constantly learning from. Children in treatment sometimes pull at the heart strings like a parachute ripcord or gently tug on parents’ hearts constantly, until exhaustion sets in, and it’s easier to give in, than to say, “No!”

When a child comes into treatment because he definitely needs help now, parents understand the process on an intellectual level. But, as stated to me by parents, on an emotional level, it is heart wrenching, because parents have to “let go,” so their child will have the opportunity to become more healthy.

Isn’t that what all of us want for our children? Healthy, happy, and hopeful children normally are inspired to achieve great things in life and can inspire others around them to do the same.

The most difficult aspect of treatment for parents, as described by parents is when a child calls home, or goes on a home pass, and expends a tremendous amount of energy attempting to convince everyone
especially the parent that he is cured of all problems, and is ready to be discharged. The guilt these children can apply to parents is relentless. This is what I call the “scales tipping” approach, and it is truly an injustice to parents who miss their children, and, of course, want them home.

When parents hear from a therapist and treatment team that their child is not yet prepared to go home, they have monumental questions to ask themselves. Do I make a decision to bring my child home before he has completed treatment? Or do I listen to a team of professionals that ethically have the best interests of the child in mind?

To me, the above questions put parents into a quandary that is possibly life changing, in a positive or negative way for their child. If parents decide to allow a child to “split,” or manipulate” their way home before they have completed treatment, the outcome can be devastating.

So when your child persists in telling you that if you really loved him, you would bring him home now. Remember, “Treatment completion before splitting.”

Michael F. Cronin, II, ACBSW-D.A.P.A.
Senior Program Director
CBR YouthConnect

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13. August 2008 by vzimmerman.

The popular Latin slogan, Carpe Diem, or “seize the day,” and the equally popular “make the most of every day” are often voiced, but seldom carried out. However, for a boy or young man at CBR YouthConnect, it is vital that today and every day be important and meaningful. Today and every day means that no matter what his ethnic origin, hair color, height, weight, hairstyle or walk, each CBR YouthConnect youth is given an abundance of care and support. “Today and every day” becomes an abiding message that each youth can carry with him throughout his life’s journey.

Such is the case with Josie, who arrived at CBR after unsuccessful placements at various group homes and residential treatment facilities. Jose grew up in a low-income urban neighborhood with a single-parent mother, and several siblings. The only other significant adult in his life was his mother’s boyfriend who physically and emotionally abused Josie from age 5 until he was placed in out-of-home care at age 13. Josie attended public school for a while, but was repeatedly involved in acting-out behavior, including frequent altercations.

At CBR YouthConnect, Josie distanced himself from the other youth and staff and tried to “just fit in.” However, the more attention, support, and care Josie received, the more his acting out behavior increased. We soon discovered that Josie was scared to get close to anyone. He had always felt safer being left alone in the shadows. Despite early resistance, Josie began to respond to the programs and services offered at CBR YouthConnect. He began to view himself as a more significant person with some true potential as an artist. As Josie’s time to leave CBR YouthConnect and return home approached, he talked about his life journey to that point—from being in the shadows to becoming more secure and confident in his role as a contributing member of society.

“I know what has come before and what I have gone through,” Josie explained. “I tried to cope by becoming invisible and distancing myself from others. When the pressures became too great, I would act out to be noticed. It has taken some time, therapy, and working in the programs and services at CBRYC, but I now feel whole. I don’t think I need to shrink or become invisible anymore. I know that I am and can be an important person. I want to be the right person for me. I want that today and every day.”

As with Josie, CBR YouthConnect’s commitment to helping youth and their families make the connections that inspire change continues to happen today and every day.

Posted in Youth, Treatment, Clinical, Parents | No Comments »

23. June 2008 by nvannote.

The purpose of The YouthConnect Chronicle is to provide you with resources, understanding, and insight regarding mental health, as well as a forum for families and teens to discuss dealing with mental illness.

It is our hope that you will find the knowledge and support you desire.

Posted in Youth, Treatment, Clinical, Parents | No Comments »

24. April 2008 by nvannote.

“Youth is happy because it has the ability to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”  – Franz Kafka, Czech writer

 Our culture tells us that teens should feel happy.  After all, the youth of today have a lot more to be happy – and unhappy – about, right?  Well, this is your place to share what’s really going on in your life.  Do you just want to let other teens know what life is like for you?  Do you want to know if other kids feel the same way you do?  Maybe you can offer your own insights to someone.  We would love to hear from you.

Posted in Youth, Treatment, Clinical | No Comments »

24. April 2008 by nvannote.

Are you a counselor, social worker, psychologist, or other professional who would like to discuss a particular mental health disorder?  Here’s the place to ask questions, post your thoughts, and get feedback from our clinicians and other mental health professionals.

Posted in Treatment, Clinical | 2 Comments »

23. April 2008 by nvannote.

From the time humans are born, parents bear the responsibility of ensuring that their children grow up safe and healthy.  Sometimes, however, children develop signs that they are not coping well.  This is a place for parents who are concerned that their kids may have symptoms of mental illness to pose their questions, thoughts, and to dialogue with other families who have gone through the same experiences.

Posted in Parents | No Comments »